Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Don't really know what have gotten in me. Was listening to my itouch and heard some songs that brought back memories. Not 1 song but 3. Of all the song why this 3 song start playing 1 after another despite having lots of song in my itouch. No matter whqt it was the reason, it just made me realise that my life havent progress at all. It seem to stop at the time when we are still happily together. Its so long since i thought about it and i thought that after so long i have finally move on.
Indeed, only fairy tale and dreams can have the happily ever after ending while the reality will slap u awake with all those heartbreaking moment. Everything is just fiction. We are living in the world where reality is the coldest of all. It just leave every single person with unhappy moment which simply destroy any feeling remaining. May be 1 day i will turn as cold as reality. Sometime i think being simple is still the best.
Thinking back to those happy time made me feel contented. Hugging you the whole day under the bed, attemp/ cook for you, making senseless solution to problem/ situation we are in. May be from the very start we already knew that we are incompatible. Our dreams are different, the way we do our things are different, almost everything seem to be different between us. May be that the reason i am attracted to you.
Still remember when we first get together, we just wanted to try out whether we are really suitable. Childish huh? But it turn out to make me fall for you. You poison my life nakig you the only antidote. This was why i always love the song Wu Ke Jiu Yao as i felt it descript how it was like.
What amaze me was that we still manage to get together again despite years. I don't think my 21st birthday is aa memorable as my19th birthday as it was the day i start meeting you after so long. I am just like a boy who is easily contented having a candy in hand.
Sometime i wish that i am able to freeze at the moment. It just 1 of a happiest period for 21 years. I know it was never possible. As fairy tale never happen in reality, we start facing some issue. Not being understanding for each other, not giving time/ attention to each other. Work/school/ family was somehow an issue. Both wanted more freedom. May be our defination of freedom is totally different too. I wanted to continue to do what i want/ what i wish. You wanted more time to stay at home or with your friend. Compromise was the solution but it seem like it bever happen at all.
And 1 day anger made me and you to do something that i never wish for. Breaking up was the reality. Those message still can be vividly remembered, the feeling felt when reading those words/message remain in me even till today. I want to get out of it but the poison which you had gave me was too strog for my heart to overcome.
I am happy and dissapointed when it seems like you had move on with your life. Thinking why and how you are able to move on sometime might make me feel jealous yet angry. Sometime i wish i can really know how u felt and how i wish you are able to feel how i feel.
On the other hand, so what if you know how i feel? We wouldn't get back together right? Why not just suffer till you get numb of the feeling. Wasn't it the process which a heart broken person have to go through?
All i know now that no matter what i wish/ wants won't happen. I haven't forget the promise we made on the first day we got together again. There won't be any 4th time as if the 3rd isn't able to work out, what will be the 4th be like?
You wanted me to be like aaron but it isn't easy and i have failed for many time. You told me not to waste our time waiting for each other but well i have waited for so long. So what the additional hours/ days make?
Wonder when i am able to get pver with it. I don't wabt to suffer like this anymore.
it's you and me <3
6:02 PM
